Secrets

It’s taken me two years to post this. I kept it in draft all this time ignoring it. I now feel it’s a safe space among us bloggers and readers to post. There is nothing to hide.

I was standing at a bus stop holding my face up to the sun thinking about current relations in my life when suddenly I realized just how many events and experiences in my life have been kept a secret! How many relationships held a secret in one way or another. I was standing there just floored by the sudden thought… the pattern just never occurred to me.

Especially men, my fathers violence towards my mother, my suppressed marriage, my first new relationship after ending a 16 year marriage, and finally my new found love and discovering his addiction to alcohol that regrettably took his life 15 years ago.

Secrets kept are not healthy, when secrets are held within they will begin to simmer, then boil and gradually overflow or explode and thats when it becomes dangerous. There is resentment, grudges and hateful feelings not only to the significant other you are keeping the secret about but to your precious self as well. There will be damage. It’s destructive. You can’t stay boxed in holding on to the secret, because to suppress your feelings and not let your feelings be told only turns negative itself and creates a weakness. One way or another you will be affected. The positive side to this cause and effect is if you catch it in time you can rebel and reveal the truth, reconcile in time before there is too much damage done. You can break away from the solitude, it won’t be easy, their will be challenges but in the long run you will be set free!

Set yourself free!

I’m unlocking one more secret….after all secrets of love is not meant to be hidden only celebrated. I have to make a choice. I’m beginning to feel the freedom.

I am strong, I can do this.

I’m here.

love eva

Listen with your Heart

It’s our heart that knows, our heart leads us to happiness. For some of us it takes time, to understand or comprehend what happiness really means.

For me? Well I had no idea how much happiness there was to experience. Through each stage of my life’s journey I thought to my self with contentment ” this is as good as it gets, I’m okay with what I have…..what more can I ask for” “I love my life” But my heart tagged at my senses,  gravitated to more…wanting more, maybe it was seeking ways to sustain the feeling of happiness.
Yet, listening to my heart was sometimes painful… costing grievance for others, but my heart was calling out to me so strongly I really had no choice but to follow.
It led me through a series of unknown mysterious paths but each one offered me a resting spot especially when times were challenging.
I’m here now.
I’m just where I want to be and cannot comprehend being more happy then I am now. So that means there may be more that lay a head? And what am I going to do about it? My only answer is I’m going to have to follow it… and prepare for the witnessing of tears, mine and yours. The quest for happiness isn’t always easy but it is attainable. Just listen to your heart and it will lead you, I promise-it loves you.